An insight into human nature and social interactions: Learning to see people for what they are and stuttering for what it is.

An insight into human nature and social interactions: Learning to see people for what they are and stuttering for what it is. **I anticipate my turn to speak. Anxiety starts to rile me up as I think of what I am going to say, whether I will manage to say it fluently, how it is received, etc. Closer and closer, my anxiety starts to turn into fear of judgement and rejection. I speak and I stutter. My nightmare comes true. I withdraw deeper and deeper in my head. If I had a button I could press at that moment and be teleported anywhere else, I would without a second thought. I do not want to be there.** We have all been there, right? Let's envision the scenario from the perspective of the other for a bit. Say they didn't know I have a stutter. Across the interaction, stuttering is a mere blip they probably did not pay much attention to. And so what will stick out to them most glaringly is my behavior. I conveyed a sense of unease as I wasn't the least bit comfortable around them. I was distracted for much of the interaction. I stayed aloof. Let's try to objectively and ruthlessly analyze the dynamic even if at the expense of our misunderstood lifelong battle with stuttering. Now, people have an innate need to be liked. And people tend to reciprocate what they receive in social interactions. Much before a person will muster the wisdom to look outside themselves and think \[*This person seems to be anxious because they have a stutter*\], they will think \[*Why is this person uncomfortable around me? Am I the reason? What does he have in his mind? Is he to be trusted?*\], or \[*Why is this person distracted? Does he think I'm boring?*\], or \[*Is he aloof because he would rather be somewhere else? Does he think I'm not good company?*\]. By the end of it, they are left with their question marks as we are left with our own. And they might take a stab at us as a way to cope with their own lingering feelings of rejection. And we take that as a stab at our stutter even if it never was in the first place. And we have a vicious cycle reinforced by a misattribution error where we make our stutter the sole cause when there are many other such externalities that get lost in translation. I have overcome my stutter for the most part. Even when I do stutter, it's nothing to scoff at. I work in sales and even do public speaking to larger audiences. My smile doesn't fade in anticipation of stuttering or having stuttered. My eye contact remains steady. My body language intact. And the reason for it is quite simple. I know it's not about my stutter, but rather about my aura. I may be frustrated with my speech on the inside, but stuttering is outside of my control. These other components are within my domain of control. I joke a bit here and there to diffuse any lingering tension. I am attentive to what they say. By focusing on the other person and on the interaction, I remove the attention away from my stutter and convey to them my genuine emotional and psychological state. And they mirror the satisfaction and approval I express to them right back. **I anticipate my turn to speak. I am tuned in the conversation. I think the conversation is interesting and I might have a valuable thought to stimulate the discussion. I am a bit anxious, but so are they probably. My desire to express my thoughts is stronger than my fear is. I speak and I stutter. I mess a few lines, but express my thought nonetheless. My aura remains untouched and I am still fully engaged because I appreciate the conversation and I appreciate this group of people.** And do not take this to mean you need always practice unconditional positivity and smiles. It is not about that, because you will have difficult conversations too and you will be angry and sad or whatever. It is rather about you being in CONTROL of your non-verbal communication. If relaxed, you remain relaxed. If smiling, you remain smiling. If excited, you remain excited. If serious, you remain serious. If angry, you remain angry. You get the drift. You get no say in whether you stutter or not, but you are still captain of the ship. A wave may turn the ship in another direction or even completely upside down, but that is no justification to let go of the wheel. In fact, it is all the more reason to hold on so you can steer it straight ahead once more. People are what they are. If you learn what to expect, you are neither caught by surprise nor flood with overwhelming emotions. And stuttering is what it is. Remove the psychological and emotional constituents and you are left to see stuttering for what it is - a small insignificant blip part of the much grander picture that is you. I believe that if you genuinely internalize this dynamic, doors will open that you didn't even know were there. Cheers!