Panic Attacks before you open your mouth and subsequent overreactions/self-hatred when you don't express yourself clearly
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Panic Attacks before you open your mouth and subsequent overreactions/self-hatred when you don't express yourself clearly So I'm a penultimate year student in undergraduate studies at a University in India and there is not much awareness on stuttering and speech/communication issues among adolescents/teenagers and young adults as it is in the West. Whenever we have a discussion in class on any topic, be it academic or current affairs, I panic before open my mouth whilst I have racing thoughts inside my head. And if and when I do eventually open my mouth, the speech is incomprehensible and extremely quick and difficult to understand for the recipient. And when it's a topic I like talking about but the thoughts in my head are so disorganised and unstructed that when I actually open my mouth I freeze and I blurt something out which is incomprehensible and does not end up becoming the intended expression. In situations where I want to speak , there is this long internal battle in me to open or not open my mouth and in times I end up not opening it, I feel incredibly angry and frustrated with my self for not beating the negative demon inside me and overcoming the insecurity of speaking up. I end up feeling extremely sick on the inside and put up a grumpy face for the next 1-2 hours. Not just this instance, there are so many other times where I'm frustrated that I'm not able to express my insightful thoughts clearly and in a well-explained, narratory/story-telling manner. I have anxiety issues, emotional issues, personality issues and experience frequent neurosis attacks and am currently in Therapy and uncertain about my future. In India these issues are not dealt upon like they are in the West with open mindedness and compassion. There is a certain shame and stigma attached to these issues and my family is extremely religious. I'm sorry my thoughts are all over the place as always but I just wanted to vent here and I apologize if this post ends up being too long for anyone to go through or ends up being unrelatable.