Something stood out to me, reading your text: >I want so much to sit down with some pills or vodka and just BE NORMAL. If you break it down, there are 2 things that aren't "normal" there. One, wanting pills or vodka like that. Two, thinking that you on pills or vodka is "normal" (in terms of behavior). I really don't mean to be rude, but I do think you're framing this thing incorrectly. The "normal" thing, I admit, is wanting to get rid of stutter. But that's what we have to manage. Both the want and the stutter. That's our challenge.