At 19 I was exactly the same. Except, my stutter was way worse. Imagine a person standing infront of you making all type of noises for a solid minute and not even one word. It was THAT bad, still is but. I’m 22 now. Within these years I worked as a concrete foundation former. Not only I lacked social skills, I was WEAK af. Barely nailed their 3 inch nails to a forming panel. I knew I’d get fired within the first week but I had bills to pay. I gave cold water and Gatorade to everyone everyday, never took breaks just to show them I wanted to learn and make them like me so I don’t get fired, it reached a point where they used to call me the workhorse. The day I was quitting and the boss man REALLY didn’t want me to quit. My 19 year old self would have never thought this was possible.. I got $8 raise in 4 months. I quit because I needed time to go back to college, got better things (in my opinion) to focus on. Now I’m a food courier it doesn’t require speaking. I still feel like I’m achieving something, I make anything from $100 to $200 a day, and im my own boss. You should try looking into that delivery thing. If you’re a porn addict, or even watch porn regularly, I highly recommend you stop. I’ve been clean for some time, controlling my self not to masturbate, taking cold showers every morning (my hygiene used to be shit), working out at home, all these little things will help you feel more alive = less depression, I promise. It just takes time. Now I laugh at how I used to think about suiciding. It gets better! Just keep trying. Not too long ago before I quit my bad habits, I used to take everything personally, “this person didn’t smile at me, I know they think my stutter is weird and I’m unlikable, etc” small things would ruin my whole day. My mood is much more consistent now, in a good way. Feel free to talk to me whenever you want to. Good luck and always keep trying. It WILL get much better as long as you never give up.