Believe me, I am totally with you. It feels like you are another of me. Perhaps, you can read the books which resonates the real myself. ‘No longer Human’, ‘The Stranger’(by Albert Camus) I don’t want to give you some advices to change your presnt situation. I have done lots of advices from Internet, doctors, books.. But I believe If we want to go somewhere, we have to know where we stand even if where we stand can be so far from where most people stand