You have great English don’t worry and the strange thoughts you had at 8 or 9 is relatable.I’ve always been the most social in elementary and the stutter was very small but even so I have done spelling bee’s and was 4th placed I think but ever since middle school is where I would have blocks, I would be seen as stupid for not saying what my name was even though I know it, I couldn’t say my birthday as the blocks in my throat would stop me.I also couldn’t even say happy birthday to my family, going to catholic school and can’t even say the rosary made me also think about taking my life as I had family members that told me how can you be so smart in school but dumb at church.I think the next time I’m gonna be told that I’m not good at school also.People in my high school can be understanding but they are kinda denying the existence of a mild stammer like I’m just “shy” or “scared”.I always dream of joining the medical field to maybe do something that is about the brain to maybe find a cure for myself and many others as while a mild stammer isn’t something like a disease or cancer, it’s exhausting and depressing and the constant embarrassment makes me unmotivated but my family is here and also God.I wish the best for you also.