What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me? Why I can't listen to other stutterers? Been stuttering myself my whole life (25 years) badly, blocks only and life is hard because of it. Lately been watching a lot of stand up, there is a guy who stutters and I know it's amazing he does it even though he has stuttering it's really cool I love that kind of people, don't know why but I can't watch him longer then a minute, can't understand why so. Does anyone else has similar problem or it's just me?