>i am going to be completely honest what hurts me is that i am not fluent and i do not like the thought of it That being the case, what are you doing to work towards fluency? Have you seen a speech pathologist who specializes in stuttering? I was hesitant to advocate for speech therapy at first, not knowing your age and being concerned about your mental health. But if you're in university, and fluency is your goal, please seek assistance finding fluency. A lot of stutterers grow up believing that stuttering is forever. That it will never get better. I'll always be a stutterer, but speech therapy helped me achieve fluency. Outside of my family, no one knows how severe of a stutterer I was in my youth and early on as an adult. I see you mentioned that you've tried speech therapy before. Sometimes it's about finding the right program. Sometimes it's about doing therapy at the right point in your life. School speech therapy for worthless. Private speech therapy in my teens had little impact. The same speech therapy 10 years later helped me achieve fluency. The difference the second time around was me. I worked the program. I practiced like I was trying to get to Carnegie Hall. I'm not suggesting it works for everyone. But I also believe you should never stop trying. Seeking a solution. A path to fluency.