How did you do it? Accepting your Stutter. Please Read!

How did you do it? Accepting your Stutter. Please Read! Hello Everybody. Pretty new to reddit and am so glad I have found this forum. I have been lurking on this forum for a long time now, checking out new posts almost every day and hearing the success stories, the struggles and the helpful advice. Really makes me feel not alone in this. It is great knowing I don’t face this battle alone. But I think I may have come to the end of my rope here. I don’t know where else to turn and decided to sign in and ask one question, which on the surface seems simple but we all know it is complex. The question is: HOW DID YOU DO IT? A simple question directed at the stutterers on here who have found peace within themselves, allowed themselves to heal from the wounds sustained after so many years. Directed towards those who have adapted the mindset of not giving a fuck and if your going to stutter, so what. It is who you are. I ask again, HOW DID YOU DO IT? Because I really need some guidance here. Before answering though, please hear what I have to say first. First off, I already know or rather can predict the type of responses I may get to this question because I have seen so many posts on here about stutterers who have stopped trying to fight the stuttering and live their life. I see so many of you say something along the lines of “I just got to a point where I decided I was going to start living my life and it took me X amount of years to finally realize this.” Another popular response I see is “You know when I stutter, people really don’t care as much as I think they do. In fact, as you get older, people are more understanding of it.” Let me be clear in saying, I am not bashing or knocking the people who have said these things. I think it is fantastic that so many of you have gotten to that point where it no longer controls you. But what I really want to know is how you did it. At what point did you just decide that enough was enough, that it was time to stop fighting and start living? Did you reach your breaking point? Was it something going on in your life? In your career? Did it just take one person to make you realize that things need to change? Did it happen after a traumatic experience? After a life-changing experience? We’re you alone in the decision to change or did you have people supporting you through the process? Really, this is what I want to know. I want to know what contributing factors led to the change in attitude towards your stutter. Some of you have said that it took you 20 or 30 years or even more to just stop giving a care towards your stutter. Could you perhaps explain why you think it took that long? Could it have happened for you sooner? Now let me break down those 2 responses mentioned earlier and show you how they relate to my life. Response 1: “I got to a point where I decided I was going to live my life.” Okay, I am 28 years old and have been stuttering since I was a child. As a child, the stuttering didn’t seem so bad. I think when you’re a kid growing up, nobody really pays attention to your stutter. In fact, as a kid I think some people found mine adorable. But fast forward to when I was in middle school, in high school, and then eventually college. When you are those ages, it’s not adorable anymore. No, at that point, it just gets annoying and becomes such a struggle everywhere I go. I went through the typical hazing of the mean kids in middle school who mocked me for my stutter and thought I was mentally challenged. That then continued in high school where everybody needs to be somebody. I was “that weird kid who stuttered.” And you’d think after the horrible years, that going to college, since people are more mature and have their own problems, that worrying about your stuttering is the least of their concerns, right? WRONG! The point where I said enough was enough should have been there, right? This brings me to response 2. Response 2: “Nobody really cares about your stutter when your older.” Nobody cares huh? I’m sorry but I got to be ignorant here. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Oh sure, I hear all the time from people that as you get older, people don’t pay attention to your stutter and if you let them, they will give you time to say what you have to say. I am not saying that those claims aren’t true. I’m sure in various parts of the world that is how people are. But in my experience, with the people I come across in my life, I have not seen enough evidence to where any of that rings true. And allow me to explain why I think that is. First, if people truly didn’t care, why do they give strange looks when I stutter? You could argue that they don’t understand. Okay, fair point, but they understand enough to give you that look. If people really weren’t focused on your stutter, they wouldn’t make a face at all. They would listen to you as if they were listening to anybody else. Second, if people truly didn’t care, why do they ask if I’m having a stroke? In all of the people who I have found the courage to self-disclose my stutter to, they always say that they have known somebody in their life who stutters. If the person I am talking knows a stutterer, why even ask such a ridiculous question? 3rd, if people truly didn’t care (and this is what I hate the most), why do they try to guess or finish my sentence? You can argue that those people are just trying to help because they don’t want to see me pass out from a hard block. I completely understand that but at the same time, I find it quite insulting. It implies to me that this person doesn’t care to hear what I have to say. This type of reaction can happen from nice people and mean people. I have had it happen from both sides and with the nice people, even if they are well intentioned to just try and help, I still find it insulting. I just wish in general people wouldn’t finish my words regardless of how nice they are. I just don’t like it. If you need more support to my argument, here’s a little more. During job interviews, I have been discriminated due to my stutter. I literally interviewed for a position within a company (electronics department if you wanted to know) and was told afterwards to step out of the room. I was asked to come back into the room where they offered me a much lower position: Cart pusher. When I asked them why, they said the electronics department had been filled. Filled? How? That is what I was interviewing for. I know it was because of my stutter. They figured as a cart pusher I wouldn’t be talking much anyway and couldn’t do the communication to be in electronics. That is total bullshit! Here’s one more quick story. I was very sick one time and went to the doctor to get checked out. The doctor who attended to me was very attractive. She asked me what was wrong and as I began to tell her, she stopped me and gave me pity for my stutter. She said “Aww, you poor baby. It must be tough for you to go on dates or even find a girlfriend.” You have to understand the context here. It was how she said these things which really hurt. I mean she’s a doctor and shouldn’t be pitying me for my stutter at all. She should just be treating my illness. That day I felt pain both physically and emotionally. Now recently at my new job, I was trying to tell my boss something important and during a bad block I had, he literally walked away. Didn’t come back. Didn’t apologize. Nothing! That recent experience led me to making this post today. You can’t tell me people don’t care about your stutter as you get older. My stories should be evidence enough that people do care. Maybe they don’t mock me like the kids in middle school, but the pain is still there all the same. As I wrap up here, I will go back and ask my original question: How did you do it? How did you not let people affect you when you stuttered? How did you learn to live with the stutter? How did you face those who you once hid your stutter from but eventually had to admit and open up about it? In case you are wondering, I have taken steps to try and get better at speaking. I took fluency shaping courses, doing breathing exercises. I am currently seeing a speech pathologist and of course in the safe therapy room, I am like a different person. Confident as hell but the minute I step out into the world, out of that safe room, I cower in fear and every bad experience seems to just put me deeper in my misery. I want to stop living in fear. I just want to live my life. As you can see, I have taken the right steps to try and get help, but the fear of stuttering holds me back from truly applying what I have learned. One more time, HOW DID YOU DO IT? Okay, you have all the information you need, now please answer my question. GO!!!!! P.S. In case its of any significance, I would describe my stutter as between mild and moderate. Depending on the block, it can fall into severe. Thank you for allowing me to vent.