Hey OP. I just wanted to say I totally understand how you feel. I don't think people think I'm slow, exactly, but they probably think I'm kind of an airhead at times (I'm a woman, mostly covert stutterer). I do the, 'Oh, gosh, what's that incredibly common word, I just can't think of it' thing. Too much of that and people definitely think you're pretty ditzy, LOL. I remember when I was a teenager and called my Dad at his office once. Someone else answered the phone and I tried to ask for him and couldn't get his last name out. ('Oh, wait...um...let me think....') Finally I managed it and the guy was super suspicious of me and asked why I wanted to talk to him and I said, 'He's my father.' I think he thought I was on drugs or something. I know he mentioned it to my father, but both my parents were majorly head in the sand over this. 'You'll grow out of it.' Only I didn't. Sorry. Lots of rambling thoughts. I think you're amazing for having a job with lots of speaking and reading; I'd have never have had the nerve for that when I was your age. I know it's hard and I know how defeated and beaten-down it can make you feel. But you've got guts, OP. Try not to let it define you.