Hi, I'm in my thirties and I've been wrestling with my stammer for as long as I can remember. Today, it's gotten a lot better but it still surfaces from time to time. It's directly correlated with how anxious I feel. You seem overly stressed out to the point where your self-defeating thoughts are shutting you down as an operating human being. What I mean to say is that your anxiety and stress sound like they are bleeding into other aspects of your life and ultimately affecting your general happiness. My advice is to take a break from everything. As unconventional as it sounds, maybe you just need to get away from this subreddit for awhile. Maybe you just need to get away from your expectations for awhile and regroup. Maybe you just need to fall into a productive or enjoyable hobby or activity to give you some measure of peace and joy in your life. Then, come back to dealing with this when you're feeling better. Stuttering can be too much for one to obsess about for so long without a break. There is way more to life than fixing this goddamn stutter. Just relax, breathe and do something else that makes you happy. I remember first finding this subreddit and after interacting with lots of people all the time, I discovered that my stutter had reawakened itself and worsened because I was thinking about it all the time, consciously and subconsciously. There is that imperceptibly small area between thinking about something and not thinking about something where I can find my own sense of fluency. The more I take on other people's problems or my own speech problems, the more I find that my brain isn't relaxed because it's always beating itself down with every little block, failure and speech misstep when it shouldn't be that way. So I took a hiatus from this sub, and stopped thinking about my speech so much and guess what. I became more fluent. You need to come back to baseline after spending so much time on the extreme end where all your thoughts are about achieving fluency and getting mad at yourself for not. Yes, the struggle is real but we have to learn that it's not the end of the world. Please take a break and find some joy in your life and stand back and see the whole picture. I believe that finding inner peace is the most important thing of all. Get that sunshine back in your life and soak in it and you'll see that everything else under it will melt. Good luck friend!