Congratulations on your first step. You reached out for help! There's absolutely no need for you to suffer in silence and get swallowed by your fears. If you haven't done it yet, you should open up to someone about this and talk it through. The first few times at the speech therapist I just cried the whole time when talking about my stuttering but it felt so empowering. If you don't have access to one, talk with a close friend, relative or even a random person online at first. Once you start shining light on the stutter boogeyman it will get weaker and allow you to be more rational about it.