Covert stuttering at the price of not making sense

Covert stuttering at the price of not making sense Most of the friends I made after high school have no idea I stutter, I have a moderate (to sometimes severe) stutter but with years of developing tricks I can pretend I don't. But I don't make any sense when I talk. Since I keep changing words last moment or avoid completely a lot of words, I end up with weird sentences that make no grammatical sense and now I'm known for talking weird, and it's even worse since one of my go to tactic is to pretend I forgot the word or the whole sentence :/ I don't know why but I can't stop doing this though, every once in a while I have a surge of "I'm gonna be open now, I can stutter, it's ok", I even some days try not to do it, which results in stuttering and me panicking and going back to my usual ways... How can I stop doing this? I know my friends and classmates are not gonna make fun of me (not in a mean way at least, I'm all fine about jokes), and I think that my roommates are starting to get it, since they always see me in early mornings and late nights where I'm just too tired to give a damn. It's just that every stutter (even the regular kind most fluent people have sometimes) I start panicking, I freeze and usually I excuse myself from to conversations to go cry in the washroom :| I'm just really tired, every sentence is anxiety inducing and I might just stop talking all together just so I don't have to live like that anymore. So yeah if anyone has any advice on how to stop being covert, or how to """come out""" as a stutterer.