The dark side of stuttering that no one talks about.

The dark side of stuttering that no one talks about. Self medicating to get rid of it. I'm not sure if there are others out there, probably is but I turned into an alcoholic/drug addict for many years of my early adult life. I remember when I was 24. I drank at a bar with some friends for the first time and my stutter practically vanished. I was easy going, didn't give a care in the world. I could talk, sing, I was "Normal". I don't know what drinking or doing drugs does to my brain that lets me by-pass my stutter but I have to fight the urge constantly to go back to that route. I understand addiction all too well and I know some is addiction but it's addiction to being able to speak freely with out my debilitating stuttering problem. That one day of freedom turned into years of drinking and doing drugs to have a social life. I recently got a job working retail and I'm forced to interact with people daily and I've come to accept the fact that most people don't care. I always run into those jerks that think I'm mentally handicapped because I can't say something as simple as "go" with out stuttering, or even worse. I can't say my own name. I want so much to sit down with some pills or vodka and just BE NORMAL. I can't though. I have a 3 year old daughter that loves me to death, I have a loving husband that would never forgive me if I ended up relapsing... oh how I wish though..