I am sorry for that. Are there some good speech therapies in your country? That is the way out of the misery. The second option would be to change a view on life (which may be hard). When I was thinking seriously about my suicide, I found out that as long as there is a hope for the things getting better, it is worth it to move on. So I moved on. But I understand, that the depression and anxiety make things way worse. I am happy though that you are still here. Suicide should be really the last option, I called it the plan Z. There are prolly people with severe stutter in your town/country. You can contact them and make a friendship. I think having a good friend to write/talk with helps a lot. You can try all the speech therapies in your country. You can learn the language of deaf people (is that a word?) and find a deaf but hot girlfriend. Or you can find a hearing girl. I saw such couples. So many quests and challenges :)