Content
parents always devalued my stuttering Stuttered severely since I learned how to speak. But they always said that it will disappear when I grow up. I lived in a village and it wasn't possible to get a proper help. Only 1 hour in a week of group class with logopedist in kindergarten. Mom wanted to take me to a psychotherapist as a kid in the nearest city but dad refused because "our kid is not a psycho". Also there is a lot of physical and psychological violence in my family which made me extremely depressed and negatively affects my stuttering. My dad is not bad person but he has problem whith controlling his agression. And when I say him that he ruined my confidence and self esteem since I was a little girl he tells me that i'm selfish and ungrateful liar. Now I'm 20. Currently studying in uni getting degree in udesirable profession and I hate myself that I was a coward and didn't quit it when it wasn't too late and didn't attempted to do what I really like. Because I didn't know what to do later when I can barely talk. This life is so damn fast and social but I still feel like this pathetic outsider stuttering kid which is constantly bullied at home and outside. I can change my life but this stuttering takes all my energy. I'm trying be positive and cure it but it's so hard. When I talk about stuttering with my parents they say that I don't have a right to be sorry for yourself because there are a lot of people which have a lot severer handicaps and problems. I'm blessed because god could give me something worse than stuttering but he didn't. I can't stop hating them that they didn't take seriously my stammer when I was a kid, when it was easy to get rid of it. They just claimed "oh it's not as bad as it could be, thank god". But now I'm not a kid anymore. I'm an adult. Now only I'm responsible for myself and I should't blame them.