It’s such a weird life to lead having this. 75% of the time no one knows, especially if it’s a cursory or quick discussion. If I get into a deep conversation with someone it becomes harder and harder especially when there just aren’t some substitute words available. There are times when I’m a mess right off the bat and its a mess the whole way thru and in some way I’m more comfortable with the outcome. But the ones that really kill me are situations like the one I had a few weeks ago at a holiday gathering. Someone I’ve know lm for years but never really had a long discussion with. About 45 minutes in I started blocking and I could tell she knew but was a great sport about. At this point in my life I know I should care as much, but I do and I agonized over this interaction for days. I still feel their same humiliation as when I was a little kid.