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I’m gonna scream like a banshee. So I have a Zoom interview with a major law firm next week for an entry level position, with a partner and an associate no less. I’ve been making notes and practicing all day. But every time I pretend that I’m speaking to them, I stutter and I hesitate. But when I practice with my family, I don’t stutter. I have a new speech therapist, she’s been teaching me how not to strain and how to let the words come out when they may. All day I practice speaking like that in order to reduce my secondary characteristics of stuttering like face contortions, spitting, repetitions, etc. Having a stutter is a tunnel and you can see the light but you can’t figure out how to move towards it. It’s like my brain almost knows how to become fluent, but there’s some blockage that’s obscuring it. It’s like trying to look over Mount Everest. Currently I’m just trying not to lose hope. With my stutter, with my other medical issues, with university, with my final exams, with my family, with romance, with everything. God. I don’t understand why it has to be this hard?! And why us? Are we ordained with a divine mission? I sure hope so. Because this can’t all be for nothing.