i know. i guess i kinda see it like a gas tank where my tank fills (i.e., i feel happy and fulfilled) when i'm with people that support me and people i can trust. and maybe when that gas tank drains down below 60% full, i start to have a problem. if i'm able to go into those hard situations with a full/fuller tank then i have a better shot at maintain a good level before i get to go back to that safe space for a bit and recharge. i know an analogy wasn't what you were looking for; but, i used to tear myself apart and scour all my sources to learn specific speaking tools. they helped, but not all that much because i wasn't prioritizing putting myself in good environments and around good people that would really allow me to see results. for me, it's situational but perhaps not for you. controlling the situation/people influence aspects for me made a massive difference -- much more so than easy onset or anything else the speech therapists taught me. those help for sure, just for me it didn't matter if i had the absolute best tool in the shed, if i was digging in the wrong direction -- i was never going to make it