Yup, very frustrating indeed. I hate that I have to suppress my personality and myself as a person. Feels like some shitty version of my life not being able to express myself and put myself out there as I long for. I can just hope I'm living some alternate reality and the 'real' me, the fluent me is doing his thing blissfully in the primary existence, capitalizing on all of the opportunities I squandered in fear of embarrassment.