You have built a very independent life. So much so, that others exclude you. That is the air you are giving off. You don't run in their circles. You are not in the click. And it may stems from cocooning yourself as a stutterer. I am in the same situation, and slightly older. I can only see it now. As it happened in real time, I felt very much the same way you do in the moment. As a result, I have a very small circle of friends. Keep them close. And some otherwise normal parts of life, just never happened. Is it stuttering -- maybe at the foundation. But it is also a lifetime of choices. If you are seeking change, despite the struggles that will come with it, you have to force it, create it...or live with it as is. It is an easier said than done proposition.