I'm not sure this is the right place to vet your essay. Most of us can identify the concepts you've expressed, but this is your college essay. It's not probable that it will be received by a person experienced with stuttering. As such, why does our input matter? My oldest daughter is just starting her frosh year in college, so I have some recent experience with college essays. Get your English teacher to vet it. Ask your English teacher for other resources that you might work with to polish your essay. There are services available to help you with your essay. As you know, your essay is an important part of your college application. I'm not qualified to vet your essay. Maybe some others here have the skills to help you. Now that I've established that I'm not qualified... I like that you've chosen to share your personal story in your essay. I think that will resonate with anyone reading it. I don't love the bicycle analogy. You transition from that immediately to the wind-up toy. Pick one. You have some very long sentences. The "instinctual" sentence is 50 words in length. You mention your cousin, but the cousin doesn't have any significance to the reader. Either give the cousin more, or cut the cousin. I think that your closing line is just as powerful without mentioning your cousin. I apologize for being so critical.