Start speech therapy again, it won't cure you, but it helps, and even a mild improve can make a lot to your daily life. A psychologist might help too, not directly with your stutter but with all the anxiety and stress, wich makes it worse. Try to record yourself during a speech, you might find that your blocks are not bad as you think it is. This is the first step to get out of the vicious cycle that stutter can be. About you being a loser, there is a lot of famous well succeded people that stutter, from actors to politicians (emily blunt, joe biden, samuel l jackson). A lot of people stutter, but we hide it very well.