Id say you're avoiding the responsibility because, subconsciously, you know that taking responsibility means you still might fail and not have your stutter to blame. A fear of failure is common amongst those who stutter. I (33 M) was in a similar position as you at your age. I resolved it by leaving the country and finding an identity outside of the context people knew me in back home. I had just graduated and left for Asia without a plan. I travelled a bit and met some people before settling in Thailand. The change wasn't over night, but who I was before I left vs who I am now is like night and day. I stopped procrastinating because there was no longer a safety net. I had to. This in turn showed myself that I can do anything I need to do, which in turn boosted my confidence. My stutter nigh on disappeared. I was forced to return home during covid, and my stutter came back with a vengeance. Retuning to the context on my stutter, the contact of my insecurity, brought it back. It was like stepping back in time. I don't know if my experience will help at all, but with your passion for learning Chinese, it could be a good indicator of where you need to be to find your confidence.