Bro you sound just like me, how I stuttered and thought about my stutter. I couldn't pronounce R until the 5th grade. I always have a prolongation or block on ST and it feels like I'm choking. I spent 7 years of my life denying my stuttering and acting paranoid. I was afraid of being labeled as a stutter That was the most stupid and idiotic thing I ever did looking back on that time. Speaking was a challenge and I would try to avoid some speaking situations. Again thinking like that never helped me and probably delayed progress. Sometimes I feel like I'm stunted from ignoring it for so long. People gave me shit at school for my stutter, but those kids either dropped out of high school or didn't go to college while I, the "stuttering fuck" as they called me, got into the flagship state school. I would get the principal involved if you go to a public school and have to deal with those people. You won't be labeled as a crazy for seeing an slp. I too assumed they couldn't help me because I have a "mild" stutter. If the slp really knows what she/he is doing then the slp can really help you. I still freak out that stuttering will not go away when they told me there was no quick fix. I wanted a quick fix because I thought my stutter was preventable. I spent most of my first semester feeling comfortable talking, thinking, and listening to my stutter. Truthfully, I think I hate it, it sucks, I try to talk about with my friends and they don't see the struggle nor understand. Well that was a long post. I would see an slp and go to public school, get out of your comfort zone and you'll make friends. Edit: You don't sound mopey and your stutter will not define you as a person.