Thank you for sharing this. I can identify with much of what you say, and it is very painful. I don't think stammering and friendships/relationships, particularly for adults is talked about/ researched enough in the field of stammering. This is such an important area, and has such a significant impact on quality of life and mental health, that I feel it needs addressing much more closely in speech and language therapy, and/or by stammering associations. I am actually a qualified speech and language therapists who stammers myself, so I may do research in this area myself one day. Please know you are not alone in experiencing this, and if you don't already, you could try joining a stammering self help group, where you will get to know other people who stammer, which can reduce the feelings of loneliness and isolation, and promote a sense of belonging. Something may people who stammer have felt a distinct lack of throughout their lives, through no fault of their own.