I Hold Back Until My Censor Approved What I Have To Say

I Hold Back Until My Censor Approved What I Have To Say *I remember clearly when I was a little boy my mother did not like that I cursed. She hated it. So everytime I curse while talking she yelled at me until the point I felt like I was doing something truly bad.* *Next thing to happen and until this very day (20 years later) I still can´t talk freely in front of my mother. If I let go I may say a bad word. Everytime I talk I have to scan every word ahead so I know for fact that all my dialogue is cursed-word free.* *Whenever my mind sense that I may not be approved by the other (cursing in front of my mother for example), my body shutdown and I hold back. He won´t let it happen.* *My censor has to approved every word before saying it. And the filter is what I speculate is the desire of the other person. Until I figure that out I hold back.* *If I can´t read the other person or if I sense he/she is an authoritarian type I will be very cautious. My mind can´t risk the chance of hurting the other people ego. Because if that happens it will hurt my own. My ego is constructed of pleasing the other.* *Beign rejected is the posible worst thing. Being abnormal.* *For me Being a stammer is to think words to existance instead of letting them spontaneously to happen.*