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stuttering has made me hate my life. I recently turned 14. I've been stuttering since i was, I'd say, 11 years old and it has honestly ruined my life. All my life I've been a very quiet person but ever since i started struggling with my speech due to quarantine/speaking two languages every day (i believe those are the reasons) it has turned into a conscious decision i make to not really speak, although not completely, i still am an introvert to my core. I dread going to school. I dread getting called on, something that has affected my grades quite severely even though i consider myself to be relatively smart. I dread even talking to my parents because they will often joke about the way i talk and even though ive vocalized how that upsets me, they dont seem to care and just say im being dramatic. Last year, after begging my parents for ages to take me to a speech therapist they finally did and for some reason i didnt have much trouble speaking to her, it must've been a lucky day or something but i was simply told id grow out of it which really upset me since that's what my parents have been telling me since forever. I told the therapist all my concerns and was just given a stupid monologue about how it's just nerves which i know is not true. I do struggle with anxiety but i know that just isnt the reason. The thing that really gets me is my parents attitude towards my problem, they constantly downplay it which really infuriates me something that ive made clear to them but they just dont understand. I've been reading out loud to myself for a while but I've come to notice that it hasnt helped me at all. I dont know what to do. I begged my parents to take me back to my speech therapists office and they finally said they would once they save up enough money to do so but im afraid that it will lead nowhere. I struggle talking to people in general which is the reason why i only really have one friend at school, a guy I've known since kindergarten who doesn't ever really point it out ever, but now that he's moving to a different school, which has ruined me, I feel as if i have nobody to talk to or who understands my situation. School hasnt started yet but im just scared of being all alone during the breaks, thinking about losing my only childhood friend is nauseating. If only i could speak like a normal person to people in order to maybe make a connection with somebody. It just hurts me. Every time i stutter I become so mad at myself and just feel like breaking down which is often the case. even though i know that it isnt inherently my fault.