Tips to improve stuttering (Do we fear desiring fluency?)

Tips to improve stuttering (Do we fear desiring fluency?) This is my attempt to summarize these [YT](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Are+You+Afraid+of+Desire) videos about 'Are you afraid of desire?' These YT videos are not about stuttering, so I will try to make a connection with stuttering. This is a follow-up on this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stutter/comments/1466orq/my_strategy_to_improve_stuttering_with_the_goal/). **Intro:** * Regular people (and 87.5% of people who naturally recovered from stuttering) instruct to execute speech movements immediately whenever they have the urge or **desire** to say a word (so it's a fluency law). **People who stutter (PWS)** may fear this **desire** of fluency, as I explained in [another](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stutter/comments/12fl53g/tips_to_improve_stuttering_exactly_what_fear_is/) post. However, we can't actually get rid of this urge or **desire**. So, if we fear this desire, then this desire may come out in manipulative and back doorways * **PWS** tend to believe that **desiring** fluency is unacceptable, because it causes personal suffering, separates us from people we love, and that it means we are not evolved or spiritually mature enough, or that it implies missing the value of what is. By not accepting our desire of fluency, we may experience shame (relative to our desire), begin to shame ourselves for our desires, we hold back speech because we blame this desire, and we create a need to reduce this desire (to decide whether to hold back speech) * Then this could lead us to suppressing our **desire** so deep, that we are consciously not aware of the fluency law to speak immediately when we have the urge or desire to say a word. In other words, our self-image or self-concept would then suffer so much if we subconsciously fulfill this desire, that it IS something that I wanted. But we often still feel a sense of shame that this is what we desired * All negative emotions are ultimately about **desire**. Fear and anxiety are related to desires in the future, whereas anger and sadness are related to desires in the past * Desire is not something we create, rather it's something that is born through us * Desire is intimately connected to wanted and unwanted, pleasure and pain. We often fail to accept that all desires lead to contrast * Desire can also be complex and multifaceted, leading to both positive and negative outcomes depending on how it is understood and managed. We might associate *societal conditioning, guilt, or fear of rejection* with our relationship with desiring fluency * PWS may not understand that fearing the **desire** of fluency could lead to more unsafety and more pain. For example, we may push away, run away from, suppress, despirately try to change, control, deny, disown, reject and misunderstand **desiring fluency** in and of itself. This may then lead us to changing the desires of our listeners. Take some time thinking how dangerous this can be * You will always desire more, no matter what * Ironically, some people who stutter (PWS) have a **desire** to get rid of stuttering, but do not make a habit of 'instructing to execute speech movements immediately whenever they have the **desire** to say a word'. The goal stands in polar opposition to their actions **Negative implications:** * If we misunderstand our **desire** for fluency within ourselves, then we likely don't understand how to use this desire to benefit in our life. If we refuse to accept *to speak immediately when we have the urge or desire to say a word*, then this will likely effectively totally bulldoze the reality of incompatibility in the relationship with desire * We may respond negatively to desiring fluency itself * When people who stutter (PWS) fear desire of fluency, they can fall into any of the unhealthy responses or coping mechanisms **Tips:** * Accept this **desire** (instead of trying to get rid of it) * Learn to understand this desire within yourself, to know how to use it and reap the benefits from it * Learn to not respond negatively to desiring fluency itself * Write on a piece of paper: 'I am afraid of desiring fluency, because...\[fill in the blank space as many times as you can\]' * Acceptance: learn to fall in love with instructing to execute articulation immediately whenever you have this **desire** or urge (instead of remaining afraid of this desire). Accept that this desire is a part of yourself (recognize that you can't get rid of it, even if you tried). Simply understanding or acknowledging this may already eradicate most of its fear * Link this desire to your positive self-image * Think about all the other people in your lives. How do they behave relative to their own **desire** to *instruct execution of speech movements* immediately whenever they have this **desire** or urge? How did they behave relative to your **desires**? What did they teach you about this **desire** in and of itself? What did that make you mean about this **desire** (1) of others, and (2) of you? * Take some time to think about what causes desiring fluency to do or not do, relative to ourselves and relative to our listeners * Don't be afraid that this **desire** makes you out of control, and thus makes you not free. Argument: Because this is not actually the case: the concept of desire and the concept of free will are two different concepts. Desire does not erase free will or freedom **TL;DR summary:** In summary, this post provides insight into how **people who stutter (PWS)** can embrace *their desire to speak more fluently* in a healthy and authentic way, without succumbing to self-destructive behaviors or harmful patterns. By accepting and understanding this desire, PWS can avoid negative implications and self-destructive coping mechanisms. This post advises to recognize that desire as an innate part of oneself, to reflect on the relationship with desire, and avoid responding negatively to desiring fluency. **I hope these tips are helpful! My recommendation is to take some time to reflect how '*****fear of desire*****' could increase your stutter beliefs or behaviors. Make sure to leave a comment to share your own opinion and experience.**