Actually, I'm not a Christian. I was raised by nonpracticing Jewish parents. Because of my abusive childhood, I was seeking order and stability. A friend from my dorm invited me to a Sunday young adult gathering. I was hesitant to go because of my low self-esteem and my stuttering, but I went. It was there that I was surrounded by a group of ethical, loving people of character my same age. ( for the first time in my life). My husband, a Naval officer who had the duty, arrived later. When he walked in the door everything stopped as if the Savior had just arrived! I recognized how respected he was. He was charismatic and handsome in his uniform and every young woman’s goal. Somehow, stuttering and all, he was interested only in me. He considered me the same ‘great catch’ I considered him. Though I was only a girl from a college dorm with little self-esteem who stuttered, he, a career Navy jet pilot chose me after being a bachelor officer for 29 years. He was a wonderful, righteous man who treated me like a princess and he was respected by everyone who knew him. As it turned out, he had only recently joined the Mormon Church from being nominally Methodist, and was totally committed to the religion. Because I was so impressed by the characters of my new Mormon friends, in a valuable state and in love, I agreed to be baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints too. As much as I loved this great man, and was impressed by the character of the youth, IT LATER PROVED TO BE A MISTAKE FOR ME SPIRITUALLY in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You asked how I knew he was the ‘one’. He had all the characteristics I ever hoped for. His religion answered many questions such as morality, clean living, sobriety( avoiding alcohol and drugs) and his being a career Naval officer answered the questions of intelligence, education, goal direction, and courage. Plus he adored me and I adored him. I was only 22 and hadn't even started seriously contemplating marriage, hadn't finished my degree, but he was too good to pass up and after a whirlwind 10-week courtship we married. He treated me even better after we were married than during our courtship. Marrying Dean was the right choice. The only issues we had were his overactivity in the church and the constant demands of a Naval officer as he was, at that time, a flight instructor and also very busy with his executive LDS church positions. There is no paid clergy in the church and the congregations are led by lay, leaders. He was too busy for a newlywed husband. I never regretted my decision to marry my dear husband, though I did regret having been baptized in a religion in which I lost faith after 10 years. My love and support for my husband kept me from leaving the religion for 37 more years while I lived an inauthentic life, pretending to believe in the LDS church after I had lost all faith. I finally had the courage to tell my husband who, though disappointed, accepted my decision to leave the church. That was 5 years ago and since then I've recognized that I'm no longer even a Christian. My ethics and morality remain the same. I value all life, human and animal. I live the ‘Golden Rule’ and no longer judge my earthy brothers and sisters. I'm finally congruent with my beliefs. It's possible my stuttering resolved in tandem with my loss of the anxiety of having to live an inauthentic life. Psychological therapy gave me the courage to be true to myself. I recognize how much anxiety is involved with stuttering, and though my stuttering began in anxiety caused by childhood abuse, the anxiety of living a life of pretense only continued my anxiety and the continued stuttering. I married a very wonderful man who just happened to be a devoted Mormon. Though I never regretted marrying after only 10 weeks, I do regret living a lie and being inauthentic for most of my life. The anxiety, depression, daily migraine, and stuttering all ended when I embraces the truth about my I deepest beliefs. I’ve been a widow now for one year. I deeply miss my sweet husband. My daughter and son-in-law share my home, and though they are devoted to the LDS Church, we love and accept each other’s beliefs. I wish you joy in your pursuit of companionship, happiness and fulfillment. Sue