My father and I grew very distant over the course of several years (teens to 20's.) Not related to my stutter, but there was a widening chasm. It came to a head one day. I exploded. I let it all out. And I mean *all* of it. It was really good for me. And for us. Since then we've grown closer than ever. If you haven't already let him know how he's hurting you, and how he has hurt you in the past, I suggest you tell him. You shouldn't have to carry that. It's heavy and it hurts. I grew angry when I read that your father said he would like to have a normal child. There is no such thing. I'm a father of three. One of my kids has a physical disability. As such, I encounter a lot of kids with special needs. I also know a lot of kids in mainstream classrooms, as well as academically talented children. None of these groups are mutually exclusive. Every person, adult or child, has imperfections. We all face challenges in our lives. You're as normal as anyone else in this crazy, imperfect world. I hope you have other family members and friends that provide you support. I know there's no substitute for a father's love and support. I hope you and he can find a way forward.