Mindset(s) that saved my social life, having a severe on and off stutter.

Mindset(s) that saved my social life, having a severe on and off stutter. How I fixed my social life with a severe (on and off) stutter. I'm writing this today because I know the pain. I know the pain of avoiding 95% of speaking interactions at school/work/social settings and coming back home feeling so disconnected and inferior to other human beings. I know the feeling of "being" in a group conversation and feeling like you don't belong, feeling jealousy and shame everytime someone says something witty or has undivided attention on them for minutes at a time. I never thought it would be possible for me to be that person. Little did I know I was wrong. I was so wrong. What I'm going to tell you right now, is the mindset shift(s) I had that allows me to have undivided attention, speak freely and naturally even with complete strangers, feel like I have a sense of belonging in group settings, and flow with everyone else. The biggest shift I have had in my brain from version "A" me, to version "B" me.. is realizing everybody's anxious. You see, my self esteem used to be so low that I thought 99% of people were cooler than me, and deserved more than me. Now that I have very high self esteem most days, I see that 99% of people are hurt children looking for approval they never got. Most people are trying to fill a void that has been gaping inside of themselves for years. People try to fill their void by a variety of different ways.. - being loud (attention) - putting others down (so they can feel better about themselves) - having a very cold front (so they avoid getting hurt) These are just off the top of my head. And this isn't saying these people are bad, nor am I putting them down.. Just realizing I wasn't the only hurt, insecure person alive, was extremely relieving. The second massive mindset shift I had.. Was realizing how other people reacted to me was NEVER a reflection of me. It is ALWAYS, 100% of the time guaranteed a reflection of the person responding. Think about it. Have you ever had someone cut you off in traffic before? Of course you have. Why sometimes does it bother you more than others? Why sometimes you are able to let it completely go and sometimes you are thinking about all the ways to run this guy off the road? 😅 It's based upon how you were feeling internally before that event happened. If you were stressed, if you were tense, if you were fulfilled, etc. I have had years of experience of stuttering on the phone and in person while having a conscious observational mind.. I have found some people might respond confused, some people might respond with empathy, some people might respond with laughter, some people might respond like nothing happened at all. What made the difference? THEIR comfortability with irregular situations. Different people have different ways of coping depending on their own shit going on internally. It's completely out of your control how they respond. (Little tip though, if you are super anxious when you stutter, you are more likely to bring out the anxiety of others) And the last and final mindset shift I want to share right now is that stuttering in a conversation is literally a fast track way to create genuine connections. I used to think stuttering is a complete and utter detriment to creating good impressions. It's absolutely definitely 100% not. I promise you. How you FEEL about your stutter is. If you feel like it is the worst thing ever, then you of course will make that true. Because you always want to be right. But if you understand that the #1 thing to create a genuine connection is vulnerability, stuttering becomes a life hack. Whats more vulnerable than stuttering in front of someone who barley knows you or even knows you well? You are literally showing the other person how much tension you are holding inside. You are showing them your comfortability level and sense of belonging level. You know how many deep conversations it would take to truly find that out about another person? Too many to count. What I've learned is that if I stay open when I stutter and I don't close down, I make beautiful friends. My stutter has led me to the most rare conversations that I would've never had the chance of experiencing if I was not open about my vulnerability off the bat. Last note I want to say is to stop trying to turn negative people into your friends. Finding your tribe, finding the right people is what allows you to have all these breakthroughs. But of course you must take action and leave your comfort zone to do so. We take a little Ionger to speak sometimes. We blow it out of proportion in our minds with anxiety, worry, doubt, shame, embarrassment, etc. This changed my life. I hope it resonates with you 🙏