You have got to get professional help. I don't mean speech help, I mean mental health services. The negative effect our stuttering has on emotional/mental health is REAL and insidious. Talking it out with someone who champions your best interests is one of the most effective tools we have at learning how to deal with our condition and to be happy. Losers aren't people who can "barely get a word out" -- losers are unkind, judgmental assholes lacking empathy. I don't believe you did anything evil in a past life to deserve this -- you simply stutter, just like me.