I feel that extreme shame like I have pretty much my entire life

I feel that extreme shame like I have pretty much my entire life I can't crack jokes and small chats and have that same atmosphere afterwards. Once I stutter it feels like I ruined fucking everything. That I'm such a monster, people who hear me stutter feel bad for me and the joke is not as fun anymore. Just one out of so many examples I get to experience in everyday life. And having a girlfriend it's like, I can imagine the parents of that girl. How they feel when I'm her boyfriend and maybe we are aiming to have kids. I can just feel that disappointment of choice, they know her kids will have a chance to get stutter. And I'm the reason why her kids will have a tougher life. Now I've promised myself to never have kids unless the girl really wants to but I won't have a girlfriend. I'm a monster. I'm a disgrace. Most of you know this is all in my head and all that but I just can't seem to remove this boiling hate and shame of my stutter. It has ruined my life already. I was born to be an extrovert, social guy but nope. This had to fuck everything up. Fuck you stuttering.