Right, and that's a terrible outlook to have. _"The only thing that will make everything good is if this thing goes away entirely, maybe some time in the future."_ It completely robs you of ageny in the here and now, and posits stutter as an insurmountable barrier. That's not healthy. :) We need to be able to feel our success, so we can feel at home again. If we keep imagining our happiness somewhere in the future, we alienate ourselves from our life. I'm pretty sure you have a lot in your life that's good, but the overall evaluation has become skewed. And that's sad in itself! :)