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Struggling :( Hey, I am 23 year old Somali male currently working in retail (boring asf) I am mainly writing this post because I am at breaking point and need to do something before I destroy my life. I started stammering roughly from age six ,though I didn't take much notice of it until about eleven. As a kid I was outgoing, funny and a little attention seeker. I was probably the loudest in my house, given that I was also the youngest. During secondary school I was still the funny kid, could easily make friends and overall had a healthy amount of confidence, but of-course with age comes more self awareness. Probably from age 13/14 I became more fearful of ordering food, initiating a conversation, speaking up in class and generally just had a fear of speaking. I am very sensitive towards my stammer and feel embarrassed every time it comes up. Well.... as time progressed I was slowly loosing myself, i wasn't telling jokes and stories like I used to, I was never as talkative and just fell into the background of my friendship group. All these fears and anxiety built up and took a massive effect on me as I grew older. Whilst others developed their social skills and became confident adults, I never allowed myself to grow. I combat my stammer by being quiet, only speaking when I knew I could not stammer. Avoiding social events, avoiding speaking up when I should and being the quiet guy. At age 23 now, I lost most of my old friends as I became more quiet, I became more guarded and I believe most people perceive me as boring, cold and unapproachable. I have no friends. I struggled to maintain good connections with people during college and university. I 100% lack communication skills and never had the chance to really develop them. Most of all, I have no confidence, I struggle to look people in the eye and strike up a conversation. My family have no idea how i feel towards my stammer and thus I have never had any therapy. I feel like I only give about 10% of myself to others and cannot express my individuality. Its not a joke when I say this, I legit don't feel comfortable and my self around anyone apart from my brother who I can stammer freely around. I am sick of living like this, I don't feel free. At work I feel like I don't exist because I can't communicate with my colleagues how I want. I think most people don't realise the full extent of how damaging a stammer can be especially when no one payed attention to it when I was a kid. I never had any support or help. I desperately want to change things NOW. I want to feel normal, have friends, be funny, tell a story and just have natural and authentic conversations without any anxiety. How do I find my voice and take the first step?