postr/StutterOctober 25, 2016

Anyone else have those moments where their stutter caused them to opt to remain silent in a particular situation, thus looking like an asshole to everyone else for not having said anything?

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Content

Anyone else have those moments where their stutter caused them to opt to remain silent in a particular situation, thus looking like an asshole to everyone else for not having said anything? Earlier at University when I was on my way to some class, I saw a girl with crutches slowly making her way down the stairs, one step at a time. As I was approaching her, I decided to ask whether she'd be alright. I had already chosen the phrase in my head: "Will you be alright going down the stairs?" And just as I was close enough to her that I could've started to speak, I felt it coming - a stuttering block as hard and stubborn as they've ever been for me. That really sucked, at the time I was just concerned for her, it even escaped me momentarily that my stutter could come up at a time as inopportune as this. I didn't even open my mouth to speak. I didn't need to to know that I'd just come across funny to her. I made eye-contact with her then quickly looked away, continued up the stairs past her and brisk-walked to class, the shame stinging me particularly hard. Not the shame of stuttering, but the shame of taking the easy path of cowardice to escape it and abandoning basic humanity in the process.

Themes

Anticipation & AvoidanceEmotional ExperienceSocial & Relationships

Subthemes

Avoidance & SubstitutionShame & EmbarrassmentHelplessness & AgencyQuality of Life

Codes (1)

propositionality