I would like to nudge you, respectfully, toward self acceptance. It is, of course, SELF acceptance, so that's about all I can do. But once you do get there all that energy you use to help hide it can be used for something else. Whatever you like. It may not happen quickly, and that's fine. I didn't get there until I was drinking myself to sleep most nights for a month or so. (I'd advise against that route...) You stutter. So do we. Sometimes it sucks, but accepting it is a big step forward. Whenever YOU are ready.