I'm tired of my stutter, and I feel like giving up

I'm tired of my stutter, and I feel like giving up I'm 30M and have been a stutterer since I was 11. There have been phases of good fluency in my stutter over the years, but to cut it short, I'm not currently in a good phase for a couple of years. Lately, it has been tough for me to even construct a sentence and blurt it out without feeling guilty about why I opened my mouth. I have been to therapy several times (I still am), but I'm just not able to replicate the same techniques in my day-to-day life consistently. I am currently pursuing my doctoral studies at a reputed institute, and I am often asked by my supervisor to give important presentations in a pre-recorded video format. My heart sinks a little every time I have to do that while others are able to seamlessly present their work and engage the audience. I never had a girlfriend, not even close. Every time I liked someone and wanted to get to know them better, I just could never express myself, or they just didn't feel the connection with the stammerer in me. There have been times when I went out on dates and never received a response after it ended. I am past 30 now, and most of my friends are settling down and getting married to the love of their lives, and I sit and wonder what that must feel like. Speaking seems something so normal and effortless to 99% of the population, that I wish, if even by the minutest of possibilities, that I wake up one day, and become a part of it.