I mentioned it in the initial reply (maybe not clearly enough) but I want to try and expand upon it more since you say something like this and it makes me sad. It's quite common to be insecure and have a low self-esteem if you have some type of problem that is very intrusive upon your life. For me, I grew up with very low self-esteem because of my stutter and because of some other things. I actually wasn't even bothered about it until I did my first ever presentation in class at around age 7 and was laughed at and subsequently bullied. I was very anxious and reclusive after that because I had been previously shielded from what most people thought of me. By the time I was 11, I was so shy and found it so difficult and embarrassing to talk that most people thought I was mute or that I couldn't speak/understand English. It's not something where I agree when people say that other people without this type of problem don't care about it or that you are wrong to feel bad about it, lots of people will think negatively of you. I spent most of my life in the type of situation where every interaction with others started from a position where they either pitied me or thought I was stupid or annoying and having some type of positive relationship was a hard won thing and required a great amount of effort. Actually, it's not a nice feeling and it's hard to feel like a person when you find yourself wondering whether people see anything else about you other than your stutter or if it clings to the surface of their mind like it does your own. It took me a long time to be able to identify the big negative impact this type of obsession had for me and how every part of my sense of self was completely obscured by this conception of myself as just somebody who stutters and for whom everything is too hard. Even knowing that it was bad for me, all I could do was hate myself. Eventually, you will always have something or a someone that you value and in turn you value yourself beyond the things you hate about yourself to preserve it. It's just part of growing up but it can take a long time and it's never a completed process. The moment that stood out to me as a time I would make that choice is when I had somebody like me and they didn't understand why I was so cold, they thought I was mean and rude the first time we met. I was confused because I would watch them in class and be in awe of how passionately they spoke about the subject of study and of how they would laugh and joke and of how utterly happy and at peace within themselves they always seemed. It was very surprising to think that somebody like this would even notice I exist, nevermind be interested in me. We swapped phone numbers for a class project and they said it was like speaking to another person to a mutual friend and this was why they were very confused but interested. I realised that somebody I liked saw something in me that I couldn't see in myself, they thought I was intelligent and kind and attractive and mysterious whereas I thought I was very pathetic. We had a time where we separated from our friend group after drinking a little together and I found myself talking with them for hours and hours, into the night. It was really painful but they were very patient and in the end I even managed to confess to liking them. If I hadn't changed, I wouldn't have been able to speak to them, and if I hadn't spoken to them in that way, I wouldn't have had that first kiss, nor subsequent relationship. Sorry this is maybe pretty rambling btw but all I mean to say is that most people in our situation are still the same always inside (I know that I am) and either have a reason to move forwards regardless or they get swallowed alive by how much everything is. I don't know you but I think you will have the capacity to look within yourself to find something you like there.