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I made a throwaway to post this. *this is a draft for a personal statement I was going to submit for uni applications, but I dont think I'll use this one. I dont know why, but I felt compelled to share this.* *--* My heart thumped with a force almost inhuman. I could hear everything and nothing at the same time. I stood there, alone, on the stage, in a desolation that sent a panoptic shiver through my body. “So what song will you be auditioning with today?” the drama teacher chirped amicably. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” I replied, with a grin so wide it was barely contained by the width of my face. The sound of my voice echoed in the auditorium in unison with the one echoing in my head. It shouted at me silently: “What makes you think you can do this?” It had a point. Here I was, trying to audition for the spot that every other young girl so desperately wanted. So unworthy, I thought. So selfish. How could I waste others time like this? What would my classmates say about me if I failed? If I didt fail? There was no way to benefit from this. And it was I who had put myself in this position to lose. It felt that my entire life coasted on the sounds I would produce from my throat and what one person thought of them. I could not make a mistake. I looked in control, but would I *sound* it? Those two minutes of the song passed by like a droplet down a window… slowly, painfully. I could feel the director watch me like a child watched droplets roll down the window, comparing the course of one droplet to the one before. Each note, each sound, each breath, was subject to scrutiny. Each second, I was closer to the moment I would mess up. And this was the fear I lived with, not only on the stage, but in my everyday life. The truth is, I have a stutter. And there is no avoiding it. Sociability - the one thing I enjoyed the most, yet the one thing that was most difficult for me. Much like my audition, it appeared that life depended on the sounds that would, or could, come out of my throat. Everyone could tell if I made a mistake: if I paused, prolonged, repeated. Or at least that's what I thought. And maybe it is true, I'm not sure. But if there's one thing I'm sure of right now, its that I don't care what people think of me. I care what they think of my ideas, and I will do everything in my power to make those ideas heard. The night of the musical had finally arrived. It was time to let my soul free. I would fill the room with my ideas, my passion, my pain…. my music. My voice would fill the room, ring in people's ears and possess people's minds. They would see, hear, and remember. And this time, I wanted them to. As I peered from behind the curtains, I saw that sea of people that made up the audience. I saw the cameras pointed, watching silently, recording my every move. I heard the murmurs of the audience echo in unison to the voice inside my head. It whispered to me loudly: “Finally.”