I found it in my mid thirties having had cancer. I adopted Camus absurdist take on philosophy and these last few years it has been like a glue for me, but of Buddhist principles thrown in there. The Myth of Sisyphus is very on the nose for stutterers. The boulder up the hill every day forever. Camus says the only logical response to an unfree world is to live so free your very existence is an act of rebellion. It's a rabbit hole worth getting lost in.