It is definitely tough, some days are a battle, some make me want to give up too. It's so tough when it seems everyone else just takes speaking for granted. There is hope though. I cannot help much with your questions, other than to let you know that you're definitely not alone. A psychotherapist or counsellor would be able to help you with those questions though, I recommend you find one that suits you. There is even ways to do it online now, just over teams/zoom and if you search long enough you should be able to find one that is affordable and suits your needs. They can help you find ways to work through the other stuff that isn't stuttering. Finding a passion/interest/hobby that you can sink your brain into is a great idea. So that some days you can just say, fuck everything, I have this thing I love and that is all that has to matter right now. Personally, [this speech by Alan Watts also helps me to contextualise the ups and the downs in life.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfuwKmYXWHQ)