Schmidet, i've read a few of your posts on here. I'm really impressed with your perseverance and how despite the storm of painful experiences and self doubt, you continue to rise back up and not be a broken person. With situations like these, there's not much you can do it make them not feel so shitty. They feel so shitty because they are shitty. But it isn't forever. Many people who don't stutter also go through horrifying personal experiences where they feel unworthy, handicapped, and like failures. You are already doing the most important thing and that is not giving up. I know it doesn't feel like anything, but you need to stand back up before you can move forward. Things seem hopeless now but you cant see into the future so you dont know all that can happen. Life may be shitty now, but it can very reasonable be great later. It is without a doubt worth living. There are international programs out there and small steps you can take before that. Did you listen to those stuttertalk episodes I told you about before? I can go into more depth if you want more detail.