I completely understand all of the frustrations you have as I've felt the same or similarly. The only way your stutter is ever going to get better is if you actively work on it. What step(s) are you taking to improve your fluency? Are you working through techniques and practicing your speech? The things that have helped me the most over the years are practicing techniques on a regular basis using things I learned in [Self Therapy for the Stutterer](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwil0LDau9jkAhUSnZ4KHQWnAVoQFjAAegQIABAC&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.stutteringhelp.org%2Fsites%2Fdefault%2Ffiles%2FMigrate%2Fbook0012_11th_ed.pdf&usg=AOvVaw2DH1AaVS7oGecBn4gg5bRP) and working to reduce my overall stress / anxiety. For the latter I began meditation and now practice three times a week and started taking L-theanine to supplement my caffeine and more recently full spectrum CBD oil.