I really undesrand you. I feel like the stuttering closed many doors for me. It kind of ruined my life between 12-18 years old.But soon I found a little life hack which works for me: abdominal breathing. I constantly feel very much tensions around my upper legs and I just try to relax them everyday whenever I remind to do so. You can check out Dr. Mort Cooper in YouTube if you want - his videos helped me.But noone can help us as we can - we do this to ourselves, just stop trying to be perfect and relax.Much support here for you !