a short story I wrote about my stutter
Content
a short story I wrote about my stutter (This little essay was something that just spilled out of me. My stutter has made entering adulthood very challenging, and im always trying to make sense of it from a spiritual perspective to hopefully find a way out of the pain that it brings. I should note that my stutter is very severe. I should also note that this story breaks rule #5 of this sub, but I feel that being open about all our experiences with others can help people feel less alone. But its okay if it ends up being removed) How can my stutter not be a negative experience when it limits my ability for self expression and authenticity? How can I let every past experience of stuttering dissolve away, so I can live always in the present moment? My mind and body keeps a score of the tension that this limitation creates for me, and I live my life completely in its shadow. My stutter has become all-encompassing, and it has become unbearable. I think of jumping off cliffs that i can see from my bedroom window. And then a bird will fly by my window and i will cry at the sudden beauty. Why am i being pulled from nature to stay and endure this suffering? Why does my stutter seperate me from being in harmony with nature? Is there a way i can use this limitation to access a non-resistance to every moment in life? Can i look a stranger in the eyes and stutter for 5 whole seconds with my eyelids blinking uncontrollably, and my head twitching, and be completely content with that experience? Can i love that experience? Is it possible to enjoy the complexity of my speech, the same as i would a bright orange sunset? I've heard that suffering is grace, but i dont think it comes to you unless you have unconditional love for the entirety of the human experience, the suffering and the joy. That simple awareness is the grace. The inner work for anyone who endures limitations is to surrender fully to every moment and accept everything with love. Even if someone is rude, mean, judgemental. That is the perfect opportunity to love them even more. Instead of reacting to other peoples reactions, just be aware of it and accept it has a lawful unfolding of the universe. Everything is always in its right place, and in that sense, theres nothing to do in this life except marvel at the awful beauty of our existence.