Jeeeze my man. From what you write, it seems like you're carryinng a ton of mental baggage. Maybe a psychologist could help you lighten the load? Stuttering sucks, but as far as I know, there's no fix. This means that it's useless to think about "what if I didn't stutter?" It's not practical nor advantageous. I know it's easy to be hard on yourself, but from your post you say that you have a job, have friends, have hobbies that bring you joy, etc. Clearly you can acheive your goals with a stutter. It's just different for us. One can easily look at this differently and see a successful man, living a good life.