Just a vent

Just a vent I know, I must be strong and resilient. I know, I must be pacient and calm. I need to keep the instructions in my mind all the time. I need to Focus in trying to speak better.. But, fuck! that shit is hard as hell! I'm tired. I feel lost, desapointed, without perspective. Don't know what to do. I think I fucked up everything. I've been trying to be optimist, but now I'm depressed and the only thing I can do is crying. Fuck. All I want is speaking better, Just that. God, am I beeing too demanding? Maybe that guy doesn't exist. Maybe the universe is cold and I am alone, with that shitty speak disorder. Fuck that. I'm going to sleep. It'll be better than beeing sad and melancholic in Reddit. Sorry guys.