Totally understand where your coming from the feelings of speaking and not stuttering is huge to people like us! Congratulate yourself every time You do it! Remember to be easy on yourself and forgive yourself. I know how frustrating it is when you just can’t get it out or it takes awhile it can be exhausting no one knows what it’s like but I do! Your right people we stutter do pick up others when they’re stuttering because like you said we’re conscience of our own all the time. Keep practicing and don’t forget how amazing you are! Feel free to message me whenever if you need to vent or just wanna chat :)